Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
