He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
