Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
