I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
