you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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