atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
