lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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