I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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