Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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