she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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