His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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