He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
