I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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