bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
