My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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