Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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