Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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