Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
