I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
All of them.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?