I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin