you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time