He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
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Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
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We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?