We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
