i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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