i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
