Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
