I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
