i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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