Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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