bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
