he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
