Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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