idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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