it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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