I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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