i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
