I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
