Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
