It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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