Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
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we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
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Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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