i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
