At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
