hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
it was like eating out sand paper
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
