I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
