Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
