she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
