Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
