How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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