We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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