I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
