Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
