dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
