Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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