I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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