just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
