I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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