my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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