Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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