Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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