can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
