Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
