I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
