that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
