my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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