I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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