guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
pop tarts are not kleenex
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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