I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
