I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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